scape

my latest.

almost

today is nice...
i have just put the last tray of xmas biscuits in the oven.. the house smells warm and comforting.
soon i will have a cup of tea (earl grey i think) and sit down to test out the biscuits and plan some xmas card making.
its good that its a bit cloudy today, or else i would be tempted to go to the beach. sometimes its nice to just hang out at home all day.

part of me really likes christmas, even though i won't be spending it with any of my family. i like the energy in the air. i like how everyone is slowly winding down, thinking of spending time with their loved ones, half heartedly (or in some freako cases 'been planning it all year' whole heartedly) decorating their houses. i like seeing bits of tinsel on buses, or the postie wearing a santa hat, or the kids at aftercare beeing so excited that santa is coming to the centre on friday..
i like seeing people smiling when the know they have just bought/made someone they love something great.

then theres part of me that hates christmas. i hate seeing the pressure that people put themselves under to buy buy buy. i hate walking through the city when everyones doing their christmas shopping. it makes me feel sick and deeply sad. i hate thinking about parents who cant afford to buy their kids presents and the kids not understanding why. i hate thinking about the kids who are intensely spoiled and know everything that they are getting already.. or demand what they are getting. i hate thinking about old ladies who have just lost their husbands or old men who have no friends or family or families who hate each other
... the people who will be the most lonely.

so i am thankful.
thankyou to those who make me smile.
thankyou to those who inspire me.
thankyou to those who bring the best out in me.
thankyou to my family, as spread out and far away as we all may be.
thankyou to all the small things that bring me joy.


seeing people struggle makes me want to be a better person. but also seeing people happy and content does too.

maybe that will be my new years resolution - to be a better person.
or at least to try.
maybe it should be to write more here.